I’ve always been afraid of not being liked or accepted. I thought that if I had a best friend or a tight crew, they would be there to protect me in moments of doubt or when I was being teased. We would go everywhere together: to the mall, the movies, and parties. And when we were rejected or neglected for not being “dope,” we would have one another to lean on. This need to be seen and supported earlier in life carried a heavy burden for my frail frame. I was easily frustrated when I was unable to make someone like me or unable to befriend everyone I met.
I often came home excited to tell my mother about a new friend I had just met. She would listen to my countless stories of so-called friendships. Then, I remember my mother finally saying to me, “Tamara, not everyone’s going to be your friend.” With the naïveté of a young child, I would respond, “Yes, she will, Mommy, because I am a good friend.” The truth of my mother’s words came to light on many occasions, yet I remained determined to make everyone like me, often with little success.
In high school, even with my best friends, we experienced issues fitting into the “it-crowd.” This cycle continued for years but in different ways. College presented more common ground, where I discovered friends like me. But as we transferred or graduated, the relationships weren’t longstanding; they had served their purpose.
It wasn’t until after I got married and had my daughter that I began a soul-searching quest. I started reading insightful books and journaling, allowing me to lay my burdens down in peace without feelings of lack or inadequacy. The more I read and reflected, the more I realized that what happened to me was for me. I was created to confront these challenges as they were my gateway to living an authentic life.
Once I learned some timeless and universal tools as a facilitator and consultant, and combined them with strategies from my professional coaches, I could articulate my preferences and unique abilities. I better understood my feelings from a psychological and emotional perspective, empowering me with the know-how, passion, and enthusiasm to help other women understand their brilliance. I aim to give them the strength, courage, and confidence to be fearless and free—free to grow, develop, and fail fiercely in their unrelenting pursuit of self-definition.
~TLM
